The Maple Tree

October 28, 2005
today i dont have much work to do.hurricane wilma has disrrupted many operations at our client's office.i clutched this opportunity to put my thoughts together..though discreet..wanted them to get out of my mind.these feelings are subtle..they are there just for sometime..they do not create/destroy anything in this world..they are not important for any other person..but they need some outlet..or else i behave weirdly..these days it happens a lot!i suddenly start hating every single thing in this world. by 'world' i mean 'america'.the so called heaven on the earth.it becomes difficult to control my feelings of hatred. frankly speaking i am a happily married girl living in one of the biggest cities of america with a caring and loving husband with a good job in hand and with a couple of family friends around.wht more can I ask for? but..my mind goes back to the memory lanes so frequently as though I have come to a hell from a heaven.is it normal? i ask myself.i am a very practical person. my brain rules over my heart..atleast it used to. but i did not know that leaving my country can make such a big change in my mind.my body got adjusted within a week..but my mind is still struggling..it always says i dont belong to this place..i m a stranger here.and when ppl make u realise that, it becomes all the more unbearable.one of those newly arrived days, i was riding a cab.while giving the directions, i made a mistake at one point and the cab driver literally yelled at me "u fXXXing indians think urself too smart..". i was numb for a second. then i reacted 'practically', ignored the comment and got out of the cab. the only way I protested against him was that I did not give him any tip.
it makes me think why so many people leave our country? why do they not return to their homes? how can we make our country more livable? i think our generation cannot expect too many changes. but for the next generations, what efforts are we taking? Our previous generations provided us with the secure, loving and cultural environment; can we provide that to the next generations? Instead we chose to abandon that place. Someone would say its necessary for one’s own progress. Then why do we keep thinking about that comfort zone?
i am sure there are many such souls like me who want to go back to their home country. There are people who want to see better infrastructure, disciplined traffic, smooth and wide streets, 24/7 supply of water and electricity in their own country. There are people who want to eradicate the corruption and the poverty. There are people who want to put a smile on the face of every child of the next generation. I wish myself (and all those who think alike) the courage and the initiative to act!! Because if we just think and do not act we are no different than those who do not think.